Nothing’s fine, I’m impatient…

I just came from a great experience into the utopic signs of a total imaginary vision. In few words : I’ve just watched the cinematographic adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. I know, I’ve already given you all my meticulous considerations about the story but this brief post I’m gonna write it’s not about it.

It’s about a personal reflection on what might be my ruin.

First of all, that guy, Jamie Dornan, he is the perfect embodiment of all those far from existing qualities you won’t ever find in no one else. You may not completely agree in what I’ve just said and it’s absolutely fair. But you can’t deny those trembling and exciting feelings you felt at the sight of that perfect naked body having passionate sex with a cute and innocent girl. That little movement that started from your eyes and scattered into the meanderings of your body. Well, when that movement reached the deep nerves of my hair, I thought about something : WHERE’S MY MR. DARCY ?

Not that I’m influenced by Jane Austen’s perverted visions , but I was thinking that there must be somebody on this goddamn world who could make me feel like his one and only. I want that to be true. I want to feel important. I don’t need somebody that will make my days look “brighter” because, let’s be honest, these are stupid quotes we use to make everything look much more fairy.

I need someone who can make my eyes shine, or my smile wider, my lips tortured and my body overwhelmed by waves of pure passion. We always pretend that what we’re looking for is a genuine Prince Charming knocking at our door with a bunch of flowers in his hands.

It’s so classic.

Reading the book and then watching the completely wrong but at least efficient cinematographic adaptation of FSOG, gave me the chance to clear my mind. I felt like all those predetermined ideas of love I had, were just stupid prototypes people made up to make my life an horrible challenge to face. It isn’t our fault if we believe in true love and in a rich and charming prince that will soon come on a white horse asking us to marry him.

Sincerely, I don’t give an ‘S’ about white horses. I want a damn expensive car with a complete surrounding stereo system !!

My man needs to be a real passionate man who won’t ever be bored to make love to me. I want my friends to feel jealousy because the man standing next to me would be freaking handsome, while their poor and mediocre men would be the result of an unsatisfied research. I want my man to be fit and well-dressed because I want him to be perfect in every situations, even when we’re in a supermarket looking for toilet paper.

In other words, I need him to be perfection.

We always have so many pretensions that we want to satisfy and then we end up settled for a suitable relationship with a guy in the standards. And I guess that the main reason is fear. We are scared that our other ideal half isn’t existing so what we think we have to do is think rationally and marry someone who’s good enough to make our life acceptable.

That’s what I thought since yesterday.

And now ? I’m completely over it. I want someone who can fully satisfy my requests. I don’t want an acceptable life, I want my life to be perfect or at least happy and serene. I don’t need money or a great big house to make it happen, I just need a man who can make all these things look worthless to me.

I know that I’m talking like a stupid little girl asking her parents to have the doll I want. But I feel like what I believe it’s true. We can’t always get into suitable circumstances only because other people think that’s how life needs to go.

Then I thought about a reflection I had few months ago.

I considered the idea that each country has its own type of guy with specific characteristics and starting from this  hypothetical consideration I believe that my man isn’t italian. That’s the SIMPLE TRUTH: maybe I was born to have an american boy or a frech one. The list could be very long but the solution of my thought is that I wasn’t born to marry an italian.

That’s what I guess will solve all my misunderstandings about love and wrong relationships I had with my passed partners ! or maybe that’s what will soothe my mood for a little while.

That’s it for now.

Miss Misunderstood.


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