Do you believe in occasions ? Those that can happen to you only once each decade.
Those you can only decide whether if to catch ‘em or deny ‘em. No maybes, only yes or not. Those that push you to a decision, and the 80% of those decisions bring your life to a change. A revolutionary change.
Do you belive in them ?
I do. Now.
After months spent complaining about my bad behaviour, my bad mood, my terrible life and my awful me, everything changed in a blink of an eye and it was great.
Great as the rainbow after a thunderstorm. Great as the sunrise after a long night waiting. Great as when you got home after a long day of strains. You got home and everything turns to be okay, again.
That’s what I felt. I felt peaceful and calm and relaxed. I felt happy.
As a consequence to my happiness, I started appreciating what I had around me.
I wanted to show the world that I was finally growing up for the better. I was becoming a better me. No more bored and boring spinster. Just Chiara.
That’s definitely a big change.
But I knew that it was more than a simple change. It had to be so. Every change is the sacrify for other predetermined things : you gain something but you lose something else.
That’s how life goes. And I should’ve known that. I should’ve.
My change is going to be revolutionary by a simple yes. By a simple occasion.
Oh, now look at me and this opportunity,
Is standing right in front of me.
But one thing I know
It’s only part luck and so
I’m putting on my best show.
Under the spotlight I’m starting my life
Big dreams becoming real tonight
So look at me and this opportunity
You’re witnessing my moment, you see?
They say occasions are like Trains. They come and they go. And if they come they come forever, and if they go, they go forever. It takes time to wait for those trains but when they come, you need to be ready.
You need to have your mind clear and certain about what to do : whether if wait for another one or whether if jumb on that you have in front of you.
Here I am, waiting for a train I know it’s coming just for me. A very luxurious train full of opportunities and a whole new life. One of those trains that everybody would love to catch. One of those trains people would pay for. But I’m not.
It is one of those trains noone would never ever deny because perfect.
Without any perception of a single imperfection.
But I see the imperfection even in its perfection.
The old spinster I was, would have jumped on it immediately, without even thinking about the consequences, because that old grumpy spinster was sad, and frustrated, and angry, and tired, and suffocating by a force she couldn’t avoid.
That old spinster needed something that would have let her change her awful life.
And she was so obsessed by the idea of a possibility to change her life, that she couldn’t realize how much time and years she was wasting.
She would have gone immediately, happy to have the opportunity to write a whole new destiny.
But I’m not that old and grumpy spinster anymore. I’ve changed.
And I don’t want that. At least not now that I’ve found my serendipity. I would have loved to live my everyday fully, appreciating what I’ve finally discovered.
Starting from a quarrel with my mother.
Or an hug to my big brother. Or a conversation with my daddy. Or a fight with my girls. Or a laugh with Benedetta. Or a sad evening spent reading on my Treehouse. Or an afternoon spent singing songs with my Uke. Or a run at the park with my little Olivia. Or a trick to my sweet old granma. Or a group hug with all my cousins. And now even a kiss with my pure and delicate love.
And I know that that’s life. I need to leave all these beautiful and poetical things to take that so famous “jump”. I’ll have to be cinical, and egotistic, and cold as stone, and brave, and reckless. I’ll have to keep all the strenght I have inside to keep going on.
I’ll have to use my past as a way to face my future. I’ll have to transform my memories in a light that will shine when my days will be blue.
And I’ll have to keep holding on my certanities. Only then I’ll be able to leave it all behind and start a whole new life with joy and maybe serenity.
But, what if I don’t want to leave it all behind, what if I find a compromise ? Will I still be able to jump on that damn train ?